Let's review, shall we?
So there I was, trying to follow my commenters' advice and keep an open mind about kashrut. But the troops weren't being cooperative. At my current favorite egalitarian Conservative synagogue, I am not always able to check labels, but last Shabbat, I got lucky. Or not. It turned out that the crackers and tortilla chips were all labeled kosher, but none of the cookies were.
Me: Do these people think that everything from [supermarket X] is automatically kosher? They do have a very good selection of kosher cookies, and even pies, but these particular cookies didn't have a hechsher (rabbinical seal indicating that they were kosher).
My long-suffering and probably exasperated husband: If you're not happy with their kashrut, why don't we just join [one of the local Orthodox synagogues]?
Me: It's Orthodox! How do you think it'll go over if I show up there in a tallit?
Him: Not very well.
Me: Nu? Not for nothing I called my blog "On the Fringe." I've known for years that I'll never really be completely comfortable in any synagogue.
Me: Do these people think that everything from [supermarket X] is automatically kosher? They do have a very good selection of kosher cookies, and even pies, but these particular cookies didn't have a hechsher (rabbinical seal indicating that they were kosher).
My long-suffering and probably exasperated husband: If you're not happy with their kashrut, why don't we just join [one of the local Orthodox synagogues]?
Me: It's Orthodox! How do you think it'll go over if I show up there in a tallit?
Him: Not very well.
Me: Nu? Not for nothing I called my blog "On the Fringe." I've known for years that I'll never really be completely comfortable in any synagogue.
posted by Shira Salamone at 5:33 PM
5 Comments:
I've worn a tallit in some Orthodox synagogues in both the US and Israel--it's not a dealbreaking issue for all of them.
Further, I think you are making too much of things. To be a full member of the Orthodox community, you need to play by some basic rules... no public desecration of Shabbat, observing Kashrut in your home, and not publicly breaking Kashrut... By public I mean, discussing treif restaurants in the appropriate circles. Plenty of Orthodox Jews "eat out," and on the left wing, it's discussed publicly, but avoiding the discussion avoids making more right wing members uncomfortable (nuance of witnessing, if I know you eat out, I can't really rely on your Kashrut... I have friends that do, and we ignore the issue, but I'd rather it not be discussed and not be an issue...).
Nothing stops you from "dual affiliating" with a Conservative Shul where you feel ideologically comfortable with services, and an Orthodox Shul where you feel comfortable with a community of Shabbat observers and a Kosher Kiddush.
Why not find a nearby Orthodox Shul and go to services once/month. You where Tzitzit under your shirt as is, so wearing the Tallit isn't a direct Mitzvah... the custom to wear one is for covering your head a second time during Amidah, etc. On the days you go to the Orthodox Shul, when you get dressed, make the Bracha on the Tallit, put it on and do the early morning prayers (including the Amidah depending on when you are joining the congregation), then take it off and go to the Minyan.
You can still lein at your Conservative Shul the rest of the month, but at least this way, once a month you'd be in a comfortably Kosher environment. There are definitely people that, like you, float on the Conservadox spectrum, why not float between the environments, and focus on what you like in each, instead of what you don't like?
Go to a Conservative Shul Monday/Thursday so you can participate in the Torah Service, and an Orthodox Minyan the rest of the time so you don't worry about not having a Minyan. Regarding Tefillin... put them on, say the Shema, and then go to Minyan... The obligation for Tefillin refers to saying the Shema, we just leave them on after as custom.
Woty, back in my Manhattan days, when I could shul-hop without taking a subway, I occasionally davvened (prayed) at Lincoln Square Synagogue in a tallit, and was not the only woman wearing one there. But while Lincoln Sq. (and Rabbi Avi Weiss's synagogue, Hebrew Institute of Riverdale, also not within walking distance of my home) are known as open-minded on including women, I'm not sure about the Orthodox synagogues within walking distance. One is known to be right-wing. The other? Maybe I could ask around.
Miami Al, I'll probably end affiliating with a local Orthodox synagogue by default within the next year or so anyway--I don't expect our current local Conservative synagogue to last even another year, whereas the local Ortho shuls, while serving an equaling aging population, seem to have more reliable funding sources.
I didn't know that there's a "don't ask, don't tell" among the Orthodox. :) So *that's* how one's kashrut reliability is judged! Who knew? Thanks for the info. I'll try to keep my big mouth shut, for once. :)
I never got to the tallit katan stage because I have a disadvantage as a woman--I don't wish to have to explain myself if my tzitzit happen to pop out of my skirt. As far as I'm concerned, my manner of observance is my own personal choice, not a matter for public debate, and I avoid wearing a tallit katan in order to keep it that way. (Okay, full disclusure: I'm also very heat-sensitive, and would probably pass out if I wore an extra garment under my blouse during the summer or in an overheated building. I stop wearing pull-over sweaters over 15 years ago for the same reason.)
" . . . the custom to wear one is for covering your head a second time during Amidah . . ." Maybe it's because I don't often davven Orthodox these days, but I don't recollect that such a custom is univerally observed, and I, personally, don't observe it. Frankly, I'd feel way too holier-than-thou if I did. One thing I've seen occasionally in Conservative synagogues that I find amusing is the rare guy who covers his head with a tallit even though he's wearing what I call a "bandaid" (very short from top to bottom), shawl-style tallit.
Related question: What's the whole big deal about the number of layers that a man wears on his head? I've recently become aware that some more right-wing Jewish men wear lined kippot (yarmulkes, skullcaps) because a one-layer kippah is not concerned a sufficient head-covering. I don't get it. Do they think that Moshe Rabbeinu (Moses our Teacher) went up to Har Sinai wearing a black borsolino hat with a six-piece lined and rimmed velvet yarmulke underneath?
"Regarding Tefillin... put them on, say the Shema, and then go to Minyan... The obligation for Tefillin refers to saying the Shema, we just leave them on after as custom." An anonymous commenter on a very old post of mine told me that her Orthodox rabbi gave her the same advice for wearing both the tallit and tefillin while avoiding making a public point of it. Will do, if necessary.
Shira, we're really not these mindless automatons... We're real people, we have jobs, hobbies, families, etc., same as you...
Basically, if a Jew tells me that they keep Kosher, I believe them, as I have no reason to doubt them. If they keep Kosher, and they tell me the food is Kosher, then by Halacha I take their word for it, and if there is a problem, the sin is on them.
Public desecration of the Sabbath is a big one, a private one less so. As a result, there is an interesting situation for the Israelis here for a year or two on Yom Tov Sheini (second day for those of us not in Israel), it's no Yom Tov for them, but walking out of their car and into a grocery store would create a Morat Ayin (appearance of sin) issue... while not technically a prohibited Moray Ayin behavior, it might cause problems, so the men put on a baseball cap if driving and/or going to the grocery store, etc.
It's all don't ask, don't tell... we're all full of crap, that's how Hashem made us, 70% water, 30% BS... :) Keep your out of left field heresies to the blogosphere, don't run around screaming that you desecrate the Sabbath/Kashrut, and avoid political hot button behaviors (women in Tallit, Kippot, and Tefillin, none of which are problematic in themselves, but those have become cultural red lines in Orthodoxy).
"Keep your out of left field heresies to the blogosphere, don't run around screaming that you desecrate the Sabbath/Kashrut, and avoid political hot button behaviors (women in Tallit, Kippot, and Tefillin, none of which are problematic in themselves, but those have become cultural red lines in Orthodoxy)." That's pretty much the way I operate at the office, where a good proportion of the staff is Orthodox. They know I'm non-Orthodox because I'm been in circumstances in which I've felt it necessary to mention that fact, but I keep my theology, etc., to myself. And I try to keep my jacket on until noon, no matter how hot the office is, so that no one will see the strap marks from my tefillin. I'm no longer at a point in my life in which I wish to make a point about &/or with my manner of observance.
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